This isn’t really an ending post because nothing is ending except my first year in college. I still have a while to go, so I’m not about to start feeling nostaligc. When I think back to all of the things that happened this year, A LOT HAPPENED… many things that I’m to embarassed to admit. But I have a good 20 to 25 exciting stories of weird things that happened. I went in totally blind having NO idea what would happen or what to expect. I just didn’t know and was scared shitless. It was rocky in the beginning as all of our college experiences had been, but I think i found my grove once Winter Quarter started. I made friends, grew attached to people and found out a little more about who I am and what I want.
I mad a TON of mistakes this year, a lot, a lot… And sometimes I made the same mistake again because I wanted to see if the outcome would be different. Though many of them were stupid, I don’t regret a single thing I did. Even though I sometimes get made fun of, or teased or have to ask myself what I was thinking, I don’t regret the mistake. I learned so much this year and now know how to go about challenges that come my way or get what I want. If i hadn’t made the mistakes this year I would have made them eventually when it was too late.
I let myself feel again this year. I know that sounds weird…. feel? I am a coward, I am so scared to do things out of my comfort zone and many times I let that fear take over. But I think I’ve just started to let myself leave that cacoon and feel certain ways. I have the biggest fear of getting hurt and used to let that get in the way of experiencing relationships. Of course I got hurt this year, a few times. But that’s okay, I’m fine with it because I think it’s better I get hurt now when I can bounce back and have other priorities. I think its better than getting hurt for the first time when I’m actually in love.
I have mixed feelings about next year. I have a tendency of letting myself get comfortable with what I have and shying away from change. I’m happy where I am right now and don’t know if it could be worse or better. Which is why I’m hesitant of taking the chance to see what it could be. I’m excited about my new opportunities and leadership positions for next year. I’m excited about where I’m living. I’m just scared about being alone… I like the people in my life right now and don’t want things to change. I’m afraid of losing people or people changing…
I hate living in the past, which is what I did for most of my first month in college so I covered my wall with pictures from high school. Yesterday I heard “I’m on a Boat” and was flooded with memories from almost 1 year ago, senior ball. I remembered rocking out and looking like an idiot with all my friends screaming at the top of our lungs. Though those were fun times I don’t wish I could go back. I’ve had some amazing times this year that I loved and wish I could go back to. But I don’t have to worry about that because I know there are many more good times to come.
Overall though, a good first year with NO regrets (except maybe a B+ somewhere)
